It's been a long time!

Hello it's me...

It's been such a long time, hasn't it? Where to begin? 

I am now vegan for 6 months! I know incredible. My parents are supportive; amazing! 

My A2 exams are looming nearer and nearer. I have my first one in three days. 

I am frightened by my exams. My revision; lacking. I try to revise but cannot be bothered. But I still want to go to uni. It doesn't make sense. If I don't put the work in how am I supposed to reap the rewards? I have no idea what style of revision helps me. I am going into this so blindly I don't know if I'm going to like coming out at the end? 

My headaches have stopped. Joyous! They cleared up when I stopped taking my medication in October 2015 after a little 'breakdown'. Can you believe that after a year of continuous daily headaches they would stop after I stopped taking the medication that was supposed to help? 

The medical industry baffles me greatly. 

Just a little update on my life. 

Best Wishes! Xxx

P.S. - did anyone get the reference? (Adele) 

Parents and Plant-based!

After trying and failing at a vegan diet due to my lack of honesty with my parents as I just knew they wouldn't be supportive. I have done so much research by watching different documentaries and YouTube videos. I have even sat my mum done and made her watch earthlings all for her to say is that was made over ten years ago. Everything has changed now. There are more regulations for the animals and better conditions. 

Why don't you understand that any killing be it deemed humane by the government or not is not something I want to be a part of or want to contribute to. Any killing is not humane. I don't care what label you put on it: organic or happy. I believe it isn't right. 

By watching Earthling, Forks over Knives, From farm to fridge, Gary Yourosky's best Speexh you will ever hear! And 101 reasons to go vegan and other vegan Youtubers like thefriendlyactivist or Freelee the banana girl, I am making the plunge! 

I really want to commit to this lifestyle. 

My new Year's resolution is to go Vegan. Or plant-based as my parents believe for a trail of month. Which I am determined to make my whole life. 

P.S. I will make my dad watch it as well! 

P.P.S. Ha! After asking my dad to watch From farm to fridge which is twelve minutes long he refuses saying he loves his steak too much and doesn't want to know 'the ins and outs' of it. Then he went on to say to my mum believing that I couldn't hear, that  I was bullying him! 

It's TWEVLES MINUTES of your life. For God's Sake! 

Best Wishes!! Xxx

What do you think about when I say Uni?

UCAS
Freedom
Degree
Stress
Your Future
Your idea of hell

I think about it as a place to explore who I am and what I want to do.

My chosen course is American Studies; which encompasses the history, politics, culture, literature and society of the US of A.

I am extremely exicted about the concept of going to uni.

Keyword being: concept.

Everything is slightly freaking me out too.

Such as; the grades I need; which uni to apply to; will I even get an offer; will I enjoy uni.

And most importantly, in my opinion, will I make friends and fit in.

Obviously I am excited to study the course as well. I have always had a fascination with the US.

But even though it's a year away I am already nervous.

I have no burning ambition or career pathway. I am simply floating through taking each opportunity as it comes. That is making me nervous. Most of my friends want to be doctors. That career path is set in stone.

I hope you all get every success in life.

Just some more weight on my head that I need to clear.

Best Wishes! Xxx

Gues what... I'm a veggie.

Being vegitarian is very hard. And that's an understatment!

I'm not saying that I want to eat meat.The very opposite infact. I can easily not eat meat. No cravings whatsoever.

But...

Doesn't mean that it is easy to source vegetarian meals, especially at restaurants.

And without cheese.

One of the dietary requirements that are supposed to help my headaches is to avoid cheese. It isn't going very well.

I am thinking of becoming vegan. Or have a plant-based diet if you prefere that termology.

Why does veganism have such a bad stigmatise?

I know some are very forceful in their agruments but really vegans shouldn't be judged just for other people's actions.

One reason as to why I haven't become fully plant-based is because of the lack of availability in restaurants and supermarkets.

Also the budget...

As much as I wish to live in Whole Foods. I can't.

As well as the amount of preparation needed for the food and buying fresh produce and regurlarly food shopping. I just don't have the time.

I know that is the lazy cop out way but really it just isn't the right time.

I'm starting school next thursday for the new academic year.

So looking forward to it. NOT!

Oh well.

Best Wishes! Xxx

It is not the end of the World!

It is not the end of the world even though it feels like it.

I really need to understand this.

I just feel like there is so much pressure on my shoulders to do well. To get the best grades possible. Even though that pressure is only coming from me, myself.

It's a vicious circle!

I know this blog has only been about my stress issues as such, but this is my life and I need to document it. I need to remind myself that not only do exams and qualifications matter, but my quality of life also matters.

I need to be able to say no.

And be able to de-stress and relax. And know that even though it is waiting for me when I return, it shouldn't eat me up while it is waiting.

 No matter what it is.

The whole point of this blog is for me to get what I am feeling off of my shoulders and down on paper. I'm the type of person that bottles things up and I know that is never good.

This is my way of therapy, if you like.
Word vomiting all that.

Nice image, right? :)

Anyway, I received my AS level exam results last week.

Three Cs and an E.

The E was in Maths (so we don't have to count it). If you couldn't tell, I am so so so dropping maths.

I hate the bugger!!

So next year, which is in like three weeks (ahaha!!!), I will be taking History, Music and Biology as my three A2 Level subjects.

I am so nervous and already feel so out of my depths. Feel like I have already failed!!

I really do need to stop feeling and thinking like this.

As my mum says, 'You need to think in a positive attitude, otherwise you'll get nowhere in life.'

She's right. As always.

I was a bit disappointed with my results, not going to lie. However, I am very happy that I wasn't kicked out of my school. So far that is totalling to be 4 people.

But, I just have to hit the ground running and make this year count.

Be Positive.

Best Wishes! Xxx

My Stress Levels!

From October I have been experiencing tension headaches.

A month before, I had just joined a new school. I moved from a comprehensive secondary school to a grammar sixth form. So basically finished GCSE and moved schools to start A level.

My first thoughts about my headaches was that I was sick. Like we all do.

“Oh, no! I’ve got a headache, must be getting a cold then.”

But I was getting headaches four or five times a day lasting anywhere between thirty minutes and four hours.

It was agony!

So, my parents and I thought it’s time to see the doctor. So we did. We went to our local GP, who then referred me to a private consultant for an MRI scan. Saying that it’ll be quicker privately.

A few weeks later I had the MRI. Which was quite scary, not going to lie. My mum had to stay in the room and everything and I refused to open my eyes while in the machine in case I went blind or something ridiculous because of all the really bright lights inside.

Afterwards, my MRI came back clear.

So no tumour. Great! :)

Well…. Not really.

Do any of you prefer to know what the problem is so that a solution is easily calculated? I am definitely like that. So knowing that nothing was wrong with me wasn’t really a relief. It just made the mystery of my headaches even more complicated.

I’m not saying that I want cancer or anything. I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy. Well maybe Hitler. But, if it were something of that nature or even just physical then I would be happy. To have something physical that you could work towards destroying would be amazing. As when it is destroyed the headaches would disappear and I would be cured.

Instead of this.

After eleven months of horrible headaches to deal with on a daily basis, while coping with AS exams and the whole ‘moving to a new school’ fitting in phase; it’s exhausting.

The consultant gave me medication of a beta blocker, where your heart rate is lowered in hope that that stops the headaches, when dietary arrangements didn’t prove fruitful.

It has been raised from two tablets a day to four tablets a day to six tablets a day.

It’s a never ending cycle.

And I am getting so tired and unhappy.

It seems that my life is a continuous daily dose of medication, which doesn’t help.

I still get daily headaches and I still have to take both my medication and nurofen.

I know what you must be thinking. Her stress levels are through the roof.

I know. They are!

My AS exams have been so stressful and having these headaches has made my concentration go right down; I really do think that my headaches have impaired my exam outcome. (Which I’ll know next week, I am so nervous!)

And knowing that I have nothing wrong with me, yet I still get headaches only makes things ten times as worse.

I get even more stressed about the fact that I do have headaches, which in turn gives me more headaches because I’m so stressed.

Hurgghhh! 

It seems that even when I’m not stressed, I still get headaches.

I have tried dietary arrangement to try to help. Nothing.

I have tried medication. Nothing.

What do I do now?

Does anyone have any thoughts?

Best Wishes! Xxx

P.S. I don't really have any scheduled post times. So will probably only post when something I really want to write about happens. X 

P.P.S. I'm really sorry to start off on a negative, however this is my life and it is true. X

A Pensieve For Me Intro

From the title, I'm sure many of the Harry Potter fans out there can guess that this blog of mine will be a place where all my memories can go.

I want this blog to be as anonymous as possible, so I don’t have any judgements from the ‘real’ world.

I just want to be able to write my inner most thoughts and feeling and not have to worry about being judged.

I just don't want the attention. 

Why am I not just writing a diary then, you may ask?

Because I've tired. Multiple times. And completely failed.

So, I'm trying blogging.

I hope whoever reads this and subsequent blogs (if there are any) enjoys finding out things about my memories.  

And finally I hope, whoever’s reading, finds out that they are not the only one going through this thing called life. I know, life is a tricky thing.

And that’s all for this one. Another one should be up shortly.

I am so happy to have a little corner of the internet all to myself. Just for me. I know selfish, but who isn't sometimes. 

Best Wishes! Xxx